


The Little Things (Are the Things I Miss the Most)

by re_Cafe



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: But if you ship it go ahead and make it a romance, Friendship, I'm Sorry, If you squint really hard there's, but i doubt this counts as little, hidekane, i'm dumb, that wasn't supposed to happen, the title says little things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-03 06:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4090696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/re_Cafe/pseuds/re_Cafe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the little things about Kaneki that Hide misses the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Grey

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfic, so please bear with me as I try to get used to everything.
> 
> The story takes place after Kaneki leaves Anteiku and Hide, just in case you couldn't tell with what I've written.

_The sky is grey today._

That's the first thing Hide thinks as he steps out of his home. He can't help but smile as he notices exactly what shade of grey it is, but his smile is bittersweet.

The grey color of the world reminded Hide of eyes that darted across pages in incomprehensible books _(at least to him anyways)_ , eyes that were full of gentleness, eyes that always looked a little bit sad. 

Simply put, the sky's color reminded Hide of Kaneki.

Hide's grin falters a bit, and his eyebrows began to turn downward. _Even though it's the same hue,_ Hide thinks, _when you compare them, they aren't all that similar._

Kaneki's eyes always radiated kindness. They reflected his timidness, but also his selflessness. His eyes were never dull, and whenever the topic of books come up, they shone so brightly that they were practically silver.

The sky's grey, however, was indeed dull. The clouds that floated above the city gave off the feeling of sadness, and to Hide it was ugly.

It was ugly because the same sad feeling was given to him by Kaneki when their eyes met.

It was ugly because he couldn't get rid of the sadness Kaneki felt, instantly making him feel guilty even though he tried so hard to fight it.

It was ugly because it wasn't Kaneki's eyes he was looking at.

Hide's expression changed into a neutral one. He sighed before taking a look around, letting out a quiet yelp of surprise. 

He was at the park, the one he and Kaneki always hung out at when they were younger. His face softened as he recalled the conversations from that time. It was funny how much they've changed over the years, but at the same time how they've never changed at all. Hide wanders a bit, before climbing up the steps of a slide and settling down at the top. He grins _(childishly, as Kaneki would say)_ as he drank in all the familiar sites. 

Nothing had really changed, Hide notes. Everything was more or less exactly the same. It was like time was frozen here, and there was nothing around to melt the ice that covered it. He grins at this. _It's just like old times._ Kaneki would have told him that being happy about the fact that nothing has changed is selfish of him, but Hide knows that his friends eyes would be shining that pretty silver color. 

Hide frowns a bit. If only Kaneki were here. Everything would be perfect. Maybe they would sit close together with their shoulders touching, looking at a new book Kaneki bought or laughing at Hide's jokes and stories. Maybe they would be lying in the grass, Hide making random commentary as Kaneki pointed at different constellations while reciting their stories. 

_Maybe we'd just be here, looking at each other, silently remembering all of adventures._

To Hide, everyday with Kaneki was an adventure. _(When he told Kaneki this, the latter scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Your 'adventures' are pretty boring, Hide. If someone were to write them down and make a book, I promise you no one would read it." Kaneki had told him. Hide only laughed at this.)_ Everything they did, regardless of how plain or normal it was, felt like something huge and exciting. Despite what Kaneki had said, the way his grey eyes turned silver and sparkling in the light proved that he felt the same way his friend did. 

Hide stayed at the park for hours, remembering everything he could about the grey-eyed boy. When he was done, he thought of all the new memories they could make as soon as the said boy came back to him. When he glanced up at the sky, the greyness from before had vanished, leaving a field of stars in its place. 

Hide smiled once again, the same bitersweet smile from before. 

_Kaneki, it feels like you've left me alone again..._ Hide thinks as he climbs down the slide he's been sitting on, _(he got up and walked around a few times, otherwise he would have died from the huge wave of pins and needles you get when you sit for too long)_ the feelings from before completely gone, leaving a warmth that covered the blond's heart like a blanket. 

_I guess that means I really can't look at the color grey anymore now, huh 'Neki..._


	2. Books

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading up until now! 
> 
> Takes place after Hide had talkes to Touka and grabbed the poster, so you dom't get confused later on.

Hideyoshi Nagachika was surrounded by books. 

Why? He wasn't a fan of reading. Heck, he wouldn't be caught dead with a book unless Kaneki was around.

Oh, that's why.

Kaneki _wasn't_ around, and Hide was lonely.

Why Kaneki wasn't with him anymore, Hide didn't know. All he knew was that his friend was missing, and they couldn't hang out anymore. In his loneliness, Hide had wandered in Kaneki's favorite book store, which is where he was currently located.

Now what?

He honestly didn't know.

Hide frowned. What was the point of walking in if he wasn't going to do anything?

Shaking his head, he searched the shelves, challenging himself to try and spot his friend's favorite stories. There were quite a few books that Kaneki had _(does he still like this?)_ loved, as the grey-eyed boy was very open to any type of genre he could get his hands on.

But being open to anything didn't mean he didn't have a favorite type.

Hide stopped his little game when he reached the horror section of the shop. What was the name of the author Kaneki had been so interested in lately?

He thought about for a few seconds before it came to him. 

_Takatsuki Sen._ That's what it was.

Humming to himself a bit, he let his eyes roam the shelves a bit until he came to a book that had her name down as the author.

_The Black Goat's Egg._

The book Kaneki had been reading before he disappeared. 

Without any hesitation, Hide grabbed the book and bought it.

 

__________~*~__________

 

Hours later, Hide was lying on his bed reading the novel.

It was a good book even though there were words in it that he didn't understand, and he could almost hear Kaneki reading it to him.

_Almost._

Reading it made the loneliness from before go away. He recalled the times when they were younger and Kaneki would read aloud whatever story he found on his dad's bookshelves while Hide sat next to him and listened, asking a question every once in a while.

Hide wondered if Kaneki would ever read aloud to him again.

Putting the book down on his nightstand, he sat up. He glanced at the poster that had his friend on it, painfully noting the 'MISSING' that was written at the top.

He was going to finish the book tomorrow, then he was going to buy a new one. 

As soon as Kaneki came back, Hide was definitely going to make him read aloud once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any out of characterness and/or mistakes! The chapters seem a bit rushed, sorry for that too.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this update regardless!


	3. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me. I wasted your time with a poorly written fic, the I vanish out of nowhere and here I am talking like I'm important. Oh well.
> 
> I finally decided that this will be 5 chapters long, and then I'll try one from 'Neki's perspective for a total of 10 chapters in this little series.

Warm.

That's how he felt.

Nevermind that his day sucked so badly that he felt like dying, or that moments ago his face was aflame with red to the point that it could melt even the strongest of steel -what happened to cause him to be in such a state is something he swore to never talk about- or that he had been feeling sick all morning. Nevermind that he got yelled at for being a pervert when he zoned out and his gaze happened to fall on a girl whose shirt dipped just a _tad_ bit too low.

Right now, all that matters is that he felt _warm_ , and he hadn't felt that way in a long time.

The warmth that spread throughout his body easily fought off the bad things, and Hide could swear that he could feel all his sins leave his body. Sure, he's overreacting, but after the struggles of a particularly awful day, he honestly couldn't care less.

Having closed his eyes when he had savored the taste, he opens them and looks at the source that had caused him to shut them in the first place.

It was just a cup of coffee, but the reason it was so special was because the memories that it had brought with it.

It was his favorite drink in the homely cafe known as Anteiku, and it was the one he had been getting ever since he first came here with Kaneki.

It was nice remembering the talk about the cute waiter or Kaneki's crush, but it was not as nice remembering the accident Kaneki had been in afterwards. 

It was nice remembering how happy Kaneki seemed when he interacted with everyone as he worked in the very cafe Hide was currently sitting in, but it was not as nice remembering how Kaneki had vanished, especially when Hide had a vague idea as to _why_.

The memories that one cup of coffee had brought were truly ones that Hide cherished, as long as he doesn't think about the ones that come after.

Taking another sip of his drink in hopes that the warmth from before would come back to him, he sighed when he realized that it wouldn't.

It didn't bring back warmth or even memories, but it had brought to him _questions_ instead.

_Why did the warmth have to leave?_

_Why couldn't I do anything to hold onto that warmth?_

_Just why..._

What Hide was drinking was not just a cup of coffee.

What Hide was drinking was a cup of bittersweet memories and questions that had taunted him from the deep recesses of his mind, mocking him since the day Kaneki left, only attacking him when he felt loneliness take over. 

_You're a useless friend._

_You knew how Kaneki felt, but you couldn't save him. You didn't help him. Maybe if you had brought it up sooner you could've prevented all this._

_Absolutely useless. Just what are you doing to help Kaneki? He would be searching for **you** if you had disappeared, why can't you do the same for him?_

**_Does Kaneki even matter to you?_ **

Drink -now cold- completely forgotten and abandoned on the table, Hide slams his hands down on the flat surface. Ignoring the the looks he got, ignoring the stinging pain that covered his palms, ignoring everything but those _thoughts_ , he quickly rushes towards the restroom and locks himself in a stall. 

He's shaking now, his hands hurt, his head hurts, his **heart** hurts and Hide thinks he needs to calm down. Taking a large gulp of air, he tries to force himself to breathe normally again. 

_Breathe in... breathe out._

_In... and out._

_In... out._

After who knows how long, he finally manages breathe evenly. Despite the fact that everything still hurt, Hide thinks that he can handle walking out of the restroom and back into the curious eyes of the people who had seen his sudden outburst.

 _Does Kaneki even matter you?_ a tiny voice asks, and he stops.

"Of course he does... Kaneki was... no, Kaneki _is_ my best friend." Hide's voice sounds rough and raspy, and he isn't quite sure why he had said that aloud, but it was like it provided a thin blanket of reassurance, and Hide knows for a fact that what he said was true.

What Hide had been drinking was not just a cup of coffee, but a cup of bittersweet memories and questions that taunted him from the deep recesses of his mind, fears and insecurities that mocked him from the shadows, overwhelming _guilt_ that constantly tried to suffocate him, but the warmth that had spread over him was Kaneki, sweet, kind-hearted, selfless Kaneki and Hide acknowledges that the questions from before were what he wanted to ask his friend. 

He always felt warm when Kaneki was around, but cold when he was gone.

But in order to regain that warmth, all Hide has to do is find his friend.

**_Just like Kaneki would've done for you._ **

Feeling better, he finally unlocks the stall door and steps out.

Making sure that he looked _somewhat_ normal, he glances at the mirror. He'd had such an awful day already, and now everyone probably thinks he's crazy.

Smiling brightly in spite of himself and the situation he was in, he wonders if drinking Kaneki's favorite coffee, the dark and bitter kind, would cause the grey-eyed boy to go through the same thing he just did.

Brown eyes twinkling, Hide takes a mental note to try it before walking out of the restroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol I'm sorry that this isn't even good idk what I'm writing I didn't sleep
> 
> I tried to think about how Hide felt, and I honestly think the guilt and confusion mixed with all the other negativities would have killed me. Heaven knows how much pain he had to go through the poor sunflower.
> 
> Please put up with me until the end, I'd really appreciate it!
> 
> As always, forgive me for mistakes and ooc-ness, and thanks a bunch for reading!


End file.
